#66 When Your Teen Says “I’m Done”: Navigating Service Refusal in Adolescence
Your teenager just told you they don't care if they fail because they're ditching their accommodations. Sound familiar? If you're watching your child choose struggle over support, you are absolutely not alone. This episode tackles the toughest part of the dyslexia journey: when adolescents flat-out refuse the services that help them succeed.
We peel back the layers to understand why this happens, and trust us, it’s not just teenage defiance. It’s about identity, development, and the crushing social cost of being different in middle school, among other things which you’ll hear about today.
If you’d like to stop fighting the compliance battle and learn the proven strategy of collaboration, this episode will show you how to swap control for connection, turning service refusal into a powerful pivot toward self-advocacy. The best part? This is a valuable skill they need for college and life, so press play now and let’s move from frustration to true engagement!
Would you like to understand reports, ask the right questions, and get schools to take you seriously? Together Through Dyslexia 6-month program provides expert mentorship for parents of dyslexics and struggling readers, and you can claim your spot now at https://www.literacyuntangled.com/together-through-dyslexia!
My mini-course, From Lost to Empowered: How to Get Your Struggling Reader: The 3-Step Evaluation Request Blueprint for Parents of Struggling Readers, is available now! This 3-step evaluation request blueprint walks you through everything you need to know, from documenting concerns with the right details to writing the evaluation request letter with language that triggers legal timelines, to handling what to do when schools try to push you off, and so much more. You can break through the barriers NOW and get instant access at https://www.literacyuntangled.com/from-lost-to-empowered.
Topics Covered:
- Why your teen refuses help and the difference between defiance and developmental changes in adolescents with dyslexia [1:38]
- The middle school accommodation crisis and the reasons that service refusal peaks between fifth and seventh grade [2:10]
- An exploration of the "shame spiral" where dyslexic teens would rather fail authentically than succeed with help [2:59]
- Why tools that worked in elementary school can undermine a teenager's need to assert independence and capability [4:05]
- How refusing services becomes a powerful way for adolescents to assert autonomy and agency after years of adults making educational decisions [4:35]
- The value of collaboration over compliance and an example from my experiences helping a particular student that demonstrates how you can reframe tools for buy-in [6:05]
- Why the ultimate goal should be self-advocacy and shifting your focus from managing compliance to teaching essential life skills [7:49]
Key Takeaways:
- When your adolescent refuses accommodations, understand they are prioritizing their social identity and asserting control, and are not being intentionally defiant.
- Forcing services only builds resentment and you should instead focus on collaboration for buy-in.
- Ditch scripted advocacy and teach your teen the language to explain how their brain works and what they need in a conversational way.
Links & Resources Mentioned:
#65 Beyond Phonics: The New Science of Reading Comprehension and What It Means for Dyslexic Students
When you're ready to work with me, here are 3 ways I can help you:
Claim your spot now to Together Through Dyslexia, my 6-month program providing expert mentorship for parents of dyslexics and struggling readers!
Subscribe to my Podcast Literacy Untangled Podcast for bimonthly episodes on navigating the dyslexia journey with your kid.
Want 1:1 help from an Orton-Gillingham expert? Book a call to see how I help kids who are struggling to learn how to read.
Have a question or want a certain topic covered? Send an email to [email protected] or a DM on Instagram.
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